terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
