I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
