She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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