Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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