my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
