I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
