i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's rum buckets o'clock
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
