I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
