my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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