I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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