Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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