Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
