That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
