exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
