I accidentally had phone sex last night
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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