I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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