My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
