Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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