I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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