dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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