carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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