Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
