Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
birth control should be required to get into college
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
