Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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