garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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