never play flip cup with pint glasses
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
