I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
