Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
