Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
