My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
