I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
