My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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