xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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