I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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