I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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