hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
