Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
