3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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