im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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