I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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