Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
