everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
