dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
