her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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