can we get nightvision for the apartment?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
