When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
