last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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