dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
where are you?
Hypothermia
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
