well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
