There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
