he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
