How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
