About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
