I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
